


Balance

by librarius



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars 8 - The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Hux is Not Nice, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren in Love, Protective Kylo Ren, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-14 16:56:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17512400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/librarius/pseuds/librarius
Summary: Set after Episode VIII - The Last Jedi.Supreme Leader Ren crashes in an 'accident' and learns there's more to himself than he knew. Redemption is possible, but will it be his path?Mostly short chapters.





	1. Chapter 1

Kylo Ren slept. He dreamed.   
When he woke, startled, his head hurt horribly.   
"Careful", a calm voice said. "You took a nasty blow against the head."  
His sight cleared and he found himself in a round hut and on a wooden bed.   
A bandage was wrapped tightly around his head, another was attached to his right leg, his pants cut open to give access. He would have jumped, weapon at the ready, if not the pressure from his head had been dizzying.   
The voice speaking belonged to a young woman, about his age, coming closer with a tray of medical equipment. "May I?" she asked, gesturing for his leg.   
"What happened?" He looked around the room. His lightsaber lay next to him on a neat pile of clothes.  
"Don't know", she said, sitting down next to the bed, beginning to unwrap his leg. "Your ship must have malfunctioned. It crashed in the rocks. I found you nearby, unconscious from the impact. It must have blown you out of the ship before, though. Otherwise you'd not have survived."  
"I want to see it."  
She looked up. "Sure. As soon as you can walk."  
Anger and frustration welled up inside of him. He couldn't remember much, but decided to keep silent. His leg looked half as bad as it felt. Something about the situation calmed him, and reaching out with the force, he found no threat of any kind nearby. There were people, enough for a village, all occupied by their momentary deeds. He focused on the woman rebandaging his leg. Her movements were practiced, her mind concentrated on what she was doing. She noticed his gaze and looked up again with a patient face. "There", she said. "May I look after your head as well?"   
He nodded and flinched from the sting it brought.   
"Hold still", she said calmly. "Is the headache bad?"  
"I don't remember", he said.   
"When you're better, I'll show you the wreck. That might help." Very careful, she took the bandage off and examined his injury, feeling the edges. "It's healing very good", she explained. "You'll be back on your feet soon."   
Collecting her equipment, she added: "I'm Mirrah, by the way. Are you hungry?"


	2. Chapter 2

He healed even faster than she could have imagined, thanks to the force. Of course, she didn't know that. She hadn't recognized him, and he planned on it staying that way. He had introduced himself as just "Ren", then wondering why he hadn't been at least a _little_ more creative. A full day of care later, he could leave the hut and see the village with his own eyes. He had to walk slowly, but he could feel himself getting better by the hour. His hair would need more time to grow back where she had shaved it to gain access to his injury, than his physical strength and the wounds themself would take.  
The village of sixty people sat between steppe and rock desert. Mirrah was the doctor of the settlement, and everyone seemed pretty fond of her.  
She showed him to the wreck and stood nearby to assist her patient if needed.  
Seeing the broken tail and the thorough destruction, Kylo Ren remembered. He remembered, and the anger inside rose to a storm.  
He staggered. His head wasn't ready to cope with his rage yet. Mirrah was at his side before he could trip. "Are you alright?"


	3. Chapter 3

Something about Mirrah fascinated him. She seemed like a force user, but she wasn't. In meditation, his interest, his curiosity was drawn to her. Of all the little lights in the village, she seemed to have a silvery glow to her presence in the force. More than that, the force moved differently around her than the others. He wondered why. 

When they came back from the wreck he met Mirrah's uncle, a weathered old man with piercing eyes and a wary intellect shining through. Kylo had recognized the man watching them unsmiling before, but that evening the old man took his chance to get at Kylo while Mirrah was busy with a hunting accident's victim.  
"What do you think of her?"  
'Ren' looked at him, trying to figure out what was going on in her uncle's mind. Then he stuck with the truth. "She's ... very gentle."  
Quenocq smiled, but grimly. "Yeah, she is. The gentlest heart one can find. She'd nurse a rancor back to health, though I hope she won't."  
Confused, Kylo didn't answer. The old man sighed.  
Not looking at him, but into the darkened distance, he continued: "One day, she'll really do it. Nurse a predator back to health. And when that beast does as its nature suggests, I hope it will be swift, and effective, so she won't know she dies."  
Those words had a shock to them. Baffled, Kylo stared at the man. "You want your niece to die?"  
"Of course not. But the day she heals a raptor, it'd be better she dies fast, than have her spirit broken in realization. That good heart of hers, it's a rare treasure in the universe."  
They kept silent for minutes. Kylo tried to process what he'd just heard. Quenocq was right: Mirrah's presence in the force was unlike any other he'd encountered. But was that a warning to him, the old man's words?  
"You like her", Quenocq stated, gaze into the night. "I hope you're not that predator."  
Then Kylo was left alone with the night, real raptors - Varn'es - screeching above the steppe. He closed his eyes to explore his feelings. Breathing deep, he followed traces of anger to memories of Hux' latest attempt to get rid of him. He didn't believe in an accident. The crash must have been convincing, though, because no search team had been around the perimeter to find him, dead or alive. His hatred for the redhead bioled within, and powerful, but for some reason it was contained. Feeling deeper, he found his anger calmed, interwoven with something like a mild breeze. It was still there, but not fuelled with enough fury to become the ripping blast that had been Kylo's temper for so long. Following his own deep breaths, he traced that breeze within.  
Then he realized two truths at once: The old man was right. And he had been drawn to Mirrah from the very beginning. A tingling feeling rushed through his mind trying to wrap itself around this insight.  
"Ren. There you are."  
Startled, he turned and tried a smile. He was sure it turned out horrible, for she stopped and looked at him worried.  
"Are you alright?"  
"Fine, yes. Just thinking."  
"Remembering things?"  
"Yes." _That, too._  
She nodded understandingly. "You want to be alone?"  
Mirrah had half turned, when he blurted out: "No!" Then he forced himself calm again. "No. Please, stay."


	4. Chapter 4

So her uncle Quenocq was the only family she had left, Kylo learned. And as the night got darker, he slowly opened up to her, telling her about himself, his struggles, his feeling of loneliness. There was nobody waiting for him, not anymore. But even before, he had always felt _wrong_ , in a way. Torn, afraid, angry.   
Unconditional compassion, radiating from her through the force, let him lower his defences. Mirrah didn't pity him, he realized. She felt for him, in a way of sympathy, and maybe even understanding.  
Pity, he would have pushed away, as it would have lit the fury inside. But there was nothing to be angry about, nothing that could even stir up the darkness in him.  
Also, the loneliness had felt to fade away as they stood on the edge of the steppe at night, just talking. 

Hours later, when he was alone but not asleep in a free hut meant for guests and traders, he realized a bond was forming between them. A bond so different from that force connection with Rey, that he couldn't understand it. He closed his eyes and reached out into the night with his feelings. There she was: Calm, gentle, the silvery glow of a peaceful soul. At ease, he fell asleep. 

It took him few more days to realizy why her uncle had sought that talk: He did like her, and more than that. And the best as well as most confusing thing was that she seemed to feel the same. It troubled Kylo, a lot, to have Quenocq's words in his mind ever so often. _I hope you're not that predator._  
Had the old man known who this guy 'Ren' really was, he would have driven him out of the village, most probably. Or tried to do so, and died. Kylo hadn't touched his lightsaber, but had it carefully tucked away. Nevertheless, he actually _was_ a predator. _Worse, even._ Or, he had been.  
The Knight of Ren, now Supreme Leader of the First Order, had never felt that balanced and at ease before. Not even the thought of Hux' betrayal could ignite the blind, destructive rage that usually had people fear him at any given moment.  
But ever so often, watching Mirrah go about her business, he got afraid to the core, afraid of the day he would have to tell her - before she found out herself.  
Out here, galactic politics were far away. The world was of no use, strategically, minerally, or of any other natural resource. It was a fly-by world he wouldn't even have noticed, hadn't he crashed onto it. But even here, in the lonely centre of nowhere, people knew the Republic had been destroyed by the First Order. Even here, people had heard of Snoke and Hux - and Kylo Ren.  
He had to tell her, but he was afraid she'd not feel for him anymore, then. He was even more afraid of her not dumping him on the non-avoidable revelation. And he was afraid the most about her affection towards him being nothing more than her 'gentle heart' in the first place.


	5. Chapter 5

Quenocq watched the two of them in the oldest dance of the universe: Two individuals falling in love with each other, showing unconsciously, needing forever to realize what he, the old man who had seen it before - and lived through it, too - could see early on.  
There was something about the sole survivor of the crash he couldn't grasp, but at moments it gave him a grave feeling. Or maybe he was just worried for the wellbeing of his beloved niece. He shrugged. That tall, strange guy seemed to genuinely fall in love with Mirrah, and that was okay. 

Kylo decided he had to tell her when they went back from an unsuccessful search in the rock desert. An Aelya had escaped, a young one, and gotten lost from the herd. When they finally found it, the Varn'es hadn't left much of it.  
"I have become really fond of you", he began, shook his head at the sound of it, and started over. "I mean, I really like you." He felt quite helpless now, and a little embarrassed.  
She took his hand. "I like you, too." Then she smiled softly and slightly rubbed his fingers wir hers. "Very much." She leaned in a bit.  
"I need to tell you something", he blurted out, far too loud and far too hasty. She let go of his hand and he wanted to grab it back. He didn't. Now the beginning was out, he had to face it.  
"My name is not Ren", he said quietly, feeling shaky. "Well, not ... only."  
She looked at him, just listening.  
"I am Kylo Ren." There it was. He admitted it. Now ... what?  
He could practically see her mind processing the information, trying to make sense of it. There was shock in those eyes, but ... no rejection?  
"The ... warrior, the knight in a mask ... Kylo Ren?"  
He was inexplainably sorry, and sad, fighting the urge to run away. He was in actual physical pain: "Yes."  
She looked at him, still. At his face, his eyes - deep into his eyes.  
"I don't get it", she finally uttered in a low voice. "I don't get this face and the name into one picture."  
He didn't know what to reply. He found it hard to merge his life before meeting her into his new kind of self as well.  
The step she had taken backwards unconsciously, she reversed. Slowly, her left hand came up to his face, but didn't touch yet. "Is the 'Ren' you showed me ... real?"  
Shaky and still in fear of what might or might not be, he only managed to say "Yes", then her touch on his cheek took him out of the petrification and the held breath. He wanted to lean into the touch, but he couldn't. His eyes tingled and he blinked hectically. "You cannot feel for me. You shouldn't."  
She took the remaining distance in one fluent move. "Too late for that. I already do", she said and graced his cheek with the lightest kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

That night, to himself again, he could finally see what had been clear in front of him: That silvery glow to her was part of the light. He had felt the pull to the light many times before. And this time, with this strange kind of light that just _was_ , without wanting something, of course his conflicted soul had been drawn to her. Ever so lightly, ever so willingly - ever so needy. Her sheer existance was balm to his still deeply troubled self. And he loved her. Not knowing what it meant to fall in love, he dove right in, and now he knew he loved her. And she felt for him, too! Despite the fact of who he were, she stood true to her feelings and hadn't abandoned or pushed him away.   
He felt lightheaded like he hadn't in a long time, and reaching out to her through the force, he reveled in the soft glow of her silvery presence. 

The next day he found Mirrah on her own, close to the rock desert. She held a picture in her hands, touching a young man's face in an almost caressing way. She was on the picture, too.   
"Who is this?" Kylo asked, and couldn't ban the sudden inquiring tone from his voice. The feeling of betrayal formed within. Yesterday, she had kissed him and now she longed for another man?  
Startled, she almost let go of the picture and looked at him in surprise. She obviously hadn't heard him approach. A stinging bit of boiling blood made him enquire further before she even had the chance to say a thing: "Do you love him?"   
Her eyes were soft and the surprise on her face wore off. "Of course I do", she said, but only with her next words Kylo realized the sadness in her whole posture. "He's my brother. Deceased."   
The uprising anger, triggered by jealousy, vanished at once and made way for shame. "I ... I'm sorry", he stammered. "You had a brother. I didn't know."   
She nodded and looked back at the picture in her hands. It showed the two of them, arm in arm, in a landscape that could be right here. She sighed, and put it back into a flat, very small box, with diverse little things in it. Memories, he realized.   
"It would have been his birthday today", she said, getting up, letting the box glide into a pocket.   
"You want to be alone?"  
"No, it's okay. I just ... Well, if you like, you can come to a memory place with me. Where I'll always be on his birthday."   
He came along, a quiet companion, letting her decide wheather or not to talk. She didn't.   
An hour later, they had reached a little lift amidst the rock desert. She took a few dried wildflowers from her bag and arranged them in a circle on the highest point. For a moment, she just looked at them, hand in the pocket, obviously grasping the box inside. A single tear glistened in her eye, not yet leaving its birthplace, when she rose her gaze from the flowers.   
"Hosnia Prime", she said, answering the question he hadn't even realized to have asked. "He studied solar flares."   
Kylo hung his head in terror and shame, putting two and two together. "I'm responsible", he whispered.   
"Did you pull the trigger?" She knew he hadn't, because Hux had made sure everybody in the galaxy knew _he_ was the one who had given that order - even on a remote, insignificant lump of rock like this.   
"Might as well have", Kylo replied tonelessly.   
Now she turned to him, raising her eyes to meet his. Fear and shame moved through his system in waves. He had never lost as much as a thought on the collateral consequences of this genocide before.   
Mirrah sighed. "One cannot change the past."   
The way back to the village had another kind of silence to it. Kylo didn't want to disturb her mourning, and he had a lot to think about as well. Hux, mostly.


	7. Chapter 7

"You need to leave, don't you?"  
He wondered if she had read his mind. He took her hand in his, lifting it to place a kiss to her tips. "I don't want to go."  
She smiled her ever so gentle smile, letting her free hand explore Kylo's neck and bury itself in his hair, pulling his head downwards to meet with hers. "But you already know you better do."  
He kissed her softly, just like the first time they had, few days back.  
_He had been overwhelmed by his feelings, jumping into a second, more passionate kiss driven by some sort of desperation, only breaking it to take ragged breaths before burying his face into her neck, holding her close for what felt like eternal moments, silently weeping without even realizing he did. When they had come to face each other again, her caressing touch had taken away the last trace of a tear from his cheek._  
He didn't cry now, and he didn't get overwhelmed again by the feeling of being loved, of being _wanted_. But he also wasn't ready to let her out of his embrace just yet. After he broke the kiss to breathe, they came forehead to forehead, just staying like this and sinking into each others' eyes.  
"Yes", he finally said, and he knew she wouldn't come with him. She felt bound to this place and its people, and he wouldn't make her leave.  
"When all that needs to be done is done, come back to me", she said, and their next kiss was nothing short of a promise to do so.


	8. Chapter 8

_Supreme Leader_ Hux was lucky to not having claimed the title yet. He knew his plan had worked out well, but the very majority still only knew Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was on a mission that would take him one more week. The general smiled to himself in private. One more week before he'd launch a search party that would sadly find Ren's sorry ashes crashed and smashed. The lost end of a lost planet would be burned to plasm as he was going to blame a group of resistance fighters for the attack. _Brilliant_ , he congratulated himself. All forces would be his even more than they already should have been, and as the new Supreme Leader he would bring order to the galaxy in swift and powerful strikes - -  
The news interrupting his glorius vision could not have been more grave. Kylo Ren was back. And he demanded to see the general immediately.

It went better than Hux had worried. He had wisely not said anything hinting to the story he had planned out, and not dared to ask about the worn, used mini-freighter Ren had flown to get back. It was of no use putting oneself into Ren's attention.  
The knight had said nothing, too. Hux' report he took with a grim nod, as everybody else's. Soon, they were dismissed.  
The general had felt like Ren's gaze had been on him leaving the room, but that must have been a moment of paranoia: Given Ren's temper, he wouldn't have left the room alive, had the knight known about his scheme. 

Kylo could feel Hux' caution and fear, but he had decided to let him go. For now. He might need the general in the days to come. Thinking, he weighed his lightsaber in hand, then ignited it. His manipulation of the kyber chrystal had no influence on the function. He turned it off and smiled into the silent, empty room, remembering.  
_His last night in the village he didn't waste to sleep. Instead, he carefully deconstructed his lightsaber, taking out the kyber chrystal and pondering if it was a good idea, or a rather bad one. Very carefully, with tools he had lend from Quenocq, he split the smallest piece off his weapon's energy source. it took hours to integrate the piece into a metal charm. When he was done, the charm looked like a small metal coin with a dot of glass in its middle. Kylo reconstructed the saber, attached the charm to a necklace he had traded for help with the animals, and let himself drift into sleep for the little amount of night that was left._  
_The next day, Mirrah brought him to town, half a day from the village. Before he left, Kylo gave the necklace to her. "If you wear this on your skin", Kylo showed her the kyberpiece, "I can always know how you are."_  
_So she lifted her hair with a hand and turned around. "I will", she said when he put it onto her neck and kissed her ear._  
Kylo closed his eyes, reaching out for the silvery light, and when he found her, concentrated on the kyber's whisper. Steady, soft gentleness washed through him, and he felt warmth spread through his body, and a feeling of home.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh-oh...

On his fourth day back with the First Order, after an uneasy night, the Supreme Leader woke with a start. At first, he couldn't say what was wrong. Then it dawned on him, and the shock and the anger were equally powerful.  
He grabbed his lightsaber, and concentrated on the light that suddenly was a lot closer in space than it should have been.  
_There is no rebellion_ , her voice filled his head, and she was clearly not alright. Fear and pain dripped from those words. And then, her tormentor made the mistake to be recognized by her. _Hux?!?_ Mirrah's feelings practically ran Kylo over: terror, shock, anger - and hatred upon the murderer of her brother being in one room with her. 

Kylo Ren had never before seemed as dangerous as today, as he made his way straight to the interrogation chamber.  
"Enough", he demanded, entering. With a turn of the wrist, Hux was thrown across the room, away from the prisoner. Her restraints fell apart, and Mirrah slumped down a bit. Kylo was with her right away, struggling to find words. Hux groaned with pain, but didn't need to try and get up anyway: Kylo pinned him against the far wall with the force, ready to strangle him -  
"D-don't", Mirrah whispered, laying a hand onto Ren's weakly. Both cost her a lot of strength. She could barely keep herself upright.  
Kylo let go of Hux. "She needs a doctor", he ordered, loud enough to make the guard outside jump.

When the medics had placed Mirrah onto a bed, the Supreme Leader turned to Hux. The general was lucky to be alive. He barely managed not to flinch at the sight of this face, and Kylo could feel the fear in him. It made him sick. But today was not Hux' last. For Mirrah. "You're demoted, Hux. You're sanitation on the lower decks for three months." 

The Supreme Leader didn't leave the prisoner's side until he was sure she was cared for. The way the Knight had been watching over her was recognized by the medical staff, but they were wise enough to keep their thoughts to themselves. Especially with the mood Kylo Ren was in.  
The moment Mirrah fell asleep, he demanded to see every single order Hux had given from the day he'd returned to the First Order. Soon, he would also find traces of Hux' scheme against himself, but for now, Mirrah was more important. How could Hux find her, and why was she abducted, but nobody else? 

Kylo Ren took the prisoner to his quarters and ordered her to be addressed as his guest. Whatever Ren had going on with the woman, Hux was sure to not like it.  
He had had his command follow through with the plan, including wiping out everything in a hundred miles radius from the crashsite. The woman had been at the perimeter, and been taken prisoner to create proof of a resistance group.  
When Ren had stormed into the interrogation chamber, Hux had known he'd made a mistake. He just couldn't see it, not even now.  
Except... _Ren didn't leave her side._ Hux' eyes widened. Could that be? Could Ren be protective of her, for emotional reasons even?


	10. Chapter 10

Mirrah's village was gone. Wiped out, burnt to the ground. She remembered, half awake, half dreaming. She woke with a gasp.  
Kylo was with her, his face the first thing she saw.  
"Shshh", he said quietly, taking her hand. "You're recovering." He looked at her empathically. "I am so sorry", he added.  
A tear left her eye and ran down the side of her face, slowly. "They're all-" Her voice broke. She blinked away another tear.  
He held her hands above her chest, gently. There was nothing he could do. She was in pain, physically and emotionally. And it was most probably his fault.  
"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked carefully.  
She shook her head ever so slightly, but he understood: She was too weak to talk. "You can read, they say", she whispered, and gave a weak smile that still had a hint of that smile that was meant for him alone. Then Mirrah took a deep breath to calm herself.  
Even though she wanted him to, he felt ashamed to read her mind. The technique was invasive and powerful, and he was afraid to hurt her. But when she closed her eyes, hands pressing his in a reassuring manner, he did. 

It helped a lot that she wanted him to. Seeing the air strike firsthand from the receiving side was different than from above, aboard a command ship. The attack left nothing standing, and he realized that it was pure luck Mirrah was still alive. And for the first time, the loss of strangers' lives got to him in the shape of guilt - and anger. But of course, they hadn't been strangers anymore.  
"Hux", he growled, clenching his fists.  
Mirrah sighed, and reached for his hands again. "Don't", she said again.  
Hatred and the will to destroy raged inside him, pressing to break free. But the word reached his brain. He stared at her, in disbelief as to why she'd hold him back.  
He allowed himself to reach out for her with his feelings, and learned her reasoning. It wouldn't bring them back. _One cannot change the past._  
When he spoke again, his anger at Hux was still there, but reason had gotten the upper hand. "What can I do to make you better?"  
"Stay ... if you can."  
Of course he could - nobody would dare to disturb him. Kylo laid down next to her, and she snuggled up against him before drifting off again. 

The Supreme Leader didn't sleep. He stayed put, an arm around Mirrah, his head resting on the other. The ins and outs of her breath came steady, and he knew she would be a lot better after a couple of hours.  
Watching her, he put the pieces together.  
_Hux was most likely responsible for his crash. Since his mission had been meant to last for a while, the general had been wise enough to pretend not knowing about it. Kylo guessed that after his scheduled return would not have happened, Hux would have ordered a search party._  
Stop. Kylo gasped, terrified. If that theory was true, Hux' further plan might have involved the obliteration of the crash site, blaming - and eradicating - local terrorists for the Supreme Leader's death. But Kylo had returned.  
_Hux had to make sure there were no signs and no witnesses at the crash site, anyway._  
Fighting hard to contain his uprising rage, he slowly slipped from Mirrah's embrace without waking her. He went to confront Hux. He _had to know_. But it was not going to be a questioning. He would take the truth out of the general's head. Preferably without him realizing.  
Kylo stopped in his tracks. He decided to examine the evidence first: reports, and signed orders.  
With the data, he returned to his quarters and the soft calming presence of Mirrah, still asleep.  
In the morning, Kylo knew he had been right. And he knew there was at least one thing that would put a smile on Mirrah's face.


	11. Chapter 11

"They picked it from the remains, together with other data containers."  
Mirrah looked at the box, then at him, and at the box again. "It still exists", she said unbelieving. She had redesigned a data module casing to be the inner case of the box years ago. The material scan and retrievement group had found and taken it after the bombardment, not knowing there was no data for them to examine. Well, none of their interest. But it had great personal value.  
She opened it. The contents were untouched, unharmed. "It's the only thing I have left of them." Her eyes shone thankful.  
Kylo flinched. It wouldn't be, had there been no First Order. But of course, she was right: _One cannot change the past._ She would never accept to be in the same room with Hux, no matter what, but she had no hard feelings against Kylo. A concept he still couldn't wrap his mind around easily.  
"Thank you", she said and placed a kiss onto his cheek he was awkwardly unprepared for. Before he could react, though, a hint of pain shot to her expression, and she laid back down.  
"What is it"? he asked, alarmed. Had Hux done something worse to her than he already knew?  
She closed her eyes and controlled her breathing. "I think the explosion that knocked me out ... had an impact on my back." 

The diagnose was clear: She had suffered a trauma to the spine, most likely caused by how she had landed when an impact had blown her through the air. It had not been seen right after Ren had interrupted the interrogation, but by now it had developed. Rest, and careful exercise would help. 

It took her an amazingly little amount of time to recover. Bit by bit, the time spans of being able to sit, and then stand, grew longer and longer. And also, their developing bond grew. The more he stopped being overprotective about her physical health, the closer they became, just like that day in the rock desert, or when they had travelled to the closest city to get him a ship back to where he belonged.  
Kylo knew he couldn't want her to stay with him on a warship, but he enjoyed every moment they shared. Including the closest moments, like the first time...  
_She took him into an embrace and a kiss like they shared ever so often, manoevering him to the bed to sit down. He loved her sitting in his lap, straddling him, eye to eye for more kisses to face and neck. Today her hands went further under his shirt, and as his travelled up her back, she freed him of it, placing more kisses and caressing touch to his arms, his back, his chest. Her smile was all over his mind, as was her full presence. She freed herself of her shirt, too, and gave way for him to taste her skin down the collarbone, growing a hunger that was new to him in its intensity, encouraging him with her hands in his hair.  
He let go, and got lost in the rush and the heat of those moments, falling into her loving embrace, totally caught up in mutual feelings lived out. Mirrah undid their pants and guidet him all the way until she sank down onto him to become one with the man she loved._


	12. Chapter 12

Every night there was a time when she had already fallen asleep, head on his shoulder, legs intertwined with his, hand on his chest, or arm, or the side of his neck. He was awake then, in the darkness, listening to her steady breathing, feeling her chest rise and fall against him, and being _home_ in the tender presence of her light, interwoven with his in the force, completely in balance and peace.  
He contemplated his life in those sweet, close moments, and was happy.  
Of course, he knew it wouldn't always be like this.  
In a week, she would take a shuttle to another 'nowhere'-world. Mirrah wanted and needed to get back onto a planet. Space travel just wasn't her kind of life. Plus, Kylo also wouldn't want her around any other military actions. She would be safe on Vaude, and happy, and she would be there for him to join her when his deeds were done.  
He would make sure to bring order with as little civilian deaths as possible, he promised to himself. 

Vaude was a vast woodland with some minor ore mining and mostly small settlements of woodworkers. Honey was the major trade.  
Saying goodbye was hard, but they promised to see each other soon. She left the box with him, except for the picture of her brother and herself, as a token of love and something he would return to her soon.  
Halfway to Vaude, a resistance laser vaporized the shuttle.  
For a moment, the universe seemed to have stopped. Then, with unprecedented might, darkness snapped back into the Supreme Leader. Pure hatred guided his actions as he ordered to obliterate every inch of the world below. His fury was fuelled by one thought: _He_ was _the predator. He was the reason. She was dead. He was going to burn them all._  
When the smoke settled, Kylo Ren reinstated General Hux to lead his force to what was left of Vaude. To make sure not a grain of the resistance down there would be left alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this almost redemption story. Feel free to leave a comment if you like.


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